23.12.10

Merry Xmas Eve of the Eve of Christmas.

Wow, you guys are all so clever! (or are you?)

Hmmm.

Well yes, yes you are. Im a starting a new blog. I am currently working on it. It will be on wordpress. I feel like Delicious and Nutritious Living has run its course, but I am not through with blogging and I am definitely in a different place now than I was one year ago. Hence the decision to create a new blog, with a different focus. I am excited about it and I hope you will all follow me there! I will announce the official opening on this blog (and will continue to post here until its ready because I want it "just right"). As far as I have seen, I am the only Irish blogger (besides Yvonne) thats around here. *Thats not to say I actually AM, if ur an Irish blogger and youre reading * Dia duit! Conas ata tu?? Ba mhaith leat na sneacht? Ni maith liom e, Nollaigh Shona Duit *

So, as I am still posting here, here goes. (is it odd that I always think its funny when the same word has two or sometimes three! different meanings and find it amusing to use said word in the same sentence?).

Well, lately Im doing pretty well. Im eating much more than I used to. The guilt, like I said before, comes and goes, but on the most part, Im ok. I literally just FORCE myself everyday to listen to my heart and not my head. Ive been watching a lot of YouTube clips of Eat Pray Love and lets just say "Im in a relationship with this movie". The book itself was a bit of a phenomenon. Have you read it? What did you think?.
Sorry, back to what I was saying, yea, Im eating well, but Im feeling really DRAAAAAAAAAB.

Im not confident in myself, bubbly or energetic. Im not that, well, happy!. I am not pleased with how I look, how I dress, the way my hair is, the way I am living. I feel a bit of a loner. Unfortunately ya'll know what happens when these feelings creep in. But Im avoiding it as well as I can!. I just hope this phase passes soon. Its not very Christmassy is it??

Speaking of Christmas, the weather here is something crazy, no joke, its madness! and not a good madness, the kind of madness that closes airports, stops people from driving anywhere and prevents peoples family aka-MINE! getting to my house for xmas day! yes, my grandparents might not be able to visit which sucks. But we are expecting soon, hopefully, fingers crossed a thaw in time for Christmas. Lets all pray for a christmas miracle!!

On this note Ill say goodbye. Im currently watching a documentary about animals, did u know the crocodile can go TWO YEARS without one meal?? No wonder theyre always cranky. :)

Have you seen/read Eat Pray Love?
Do you ever go through those "Im a mess and a failure" phases?
Do you like documentaries?

Merry Christmas loves
Fi
xxxxxxx

Oh and to brighten up anyones day, check this out.
In Dublin Airport yesterday

Edited to add: I had a Eurika! moment in the shower this morning as to why I am feeling so fed up, out of sorts and unconfident! Over the past two weeks I have been doing things that anorexia really doesnt like and things that I am not used to doing. The feelings I am experiencing are the back lash from anorexia-telling me Im crap for eating more, that Im unattractive and worhtless and that eating doesnt bring good feelings. Im also losing my idea of "control" aka, living the rigid lifestyle of anorexia. So what do I do about this?
I keep eating
I dont turn to silly mechanisms of control
I tell anorexia to "F78k off" when it tells me I am not confident/worthy etc..
I remind myself that I Fiona am a wonderful person